HOW TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT HOW YOUR LIFE LOOKS AND START FOCUSING ON HOW IT FEELS.

Count how many times you were really happy after you got something you thought you wanted. What happened after you got that relationship you were longing for? What happened after you got that job? What happened when you made more money? Chances are things were different, but good and bad in proportion. I thought more about these things again a few weeks ago.

Make a list of all the imperfect people you've met in your life who had love. They had romantic partners, best friends, and jobs you could only dream of. Make a list of all the people who are conventionally unattractive, mentally absent, and imperfect, and all the things each of them had even though they were so. Make them your personal proof that you don't have to be perfect to be good enough.

Ask yourself what you would do if social media didn't matter and no one knew about it. What would you do this Sunday, what would you do tonight? What would your career goals be, how many photos would you really take? Who would you hang out with, where would you live if you didn't have to silently check yourself through the lens of "what other people see"?

Ask yourself what you would do if money was no object and you could do anything. This is a classic exercise that many people reject because it is impractical. Unfortunately, these people don't think deeply enough to understand what it's really about. It's not about figuring out what you would do if you didn't have to worry about money (that's not our reality), it's about what you would essentially do and how you can incorporate that into your daily life. Would you take a vacation, would you keep your current job? This tells you whether you value relaxation, achievement, or something else, and understanding what's important to you is critical to who you are.

Take photos to remember happy moments, not to prove you look good or did something cool. Make a special album on your phone just for "happy moments." When you're feeling good, enjoying yourself, or having an epiphany, just snap a photo of what's in front of you (no matter how unworthy it is for Instagram). When you look back at those seemingly random snaps, you'll experience those feelings over and over again. You'll see the emotional difference between capturing moments that matter to you and creating moments that matter to other people.

Identify the "people" you always think are judging you. You know that phrase people always say? "People are judging me." "I worry about what people think." Most of the time, these "people" are a faceless mass that exists only in your mind. In other words, they are you, just projected outward. That's what you're judging yourself for. The first step is to realize that the "people" you worry about don't really exist.

Think about what makes you most jealous. The things that make us most jealous and envious are usually the things that we feel we don't live up to within ourselves. We are not jealous of the beautiful girl because we want to be as beautiful as her, but because we lack something much more important, which is love for ourselves. We are jealous of the successful writer not because we want to be praised too, but because we know we are not doing the work necessary to achieve it.

Don't clean before someone comes to visit. Except for people who aren't so hygienic, you shouldn't worry about putting yourself out there when someone else comes to visit. By that I don't mean clean up or put away personal items, but try to create an appearance that is the equivalent of blond hair dye. Really let people into your life. Let them enter a moment of your life as it is happening. That's the only way you can build a real bond.

Think about how you celebrate the most important days of the year. Most people do this with relatives they only see on holidays, with whom they otherwise have no real relationship and whom they are reluctant to see. These days are for spoiling the people who love you all year long with parties, food and gifts. Not the people you feel morally obligated to (but have emotionally repressed) to put up with.

Disconnect from things that are not purposeful or meaningful. This is so important because things are formative, especially when we buy them with the intention of making us "different." Our things construct our experiences. They create what we see and therefore how we feel. They are the means by which we compose ourselves every day. It's not about owning as little as possible, but only things that serve a purpose or have meaning. Do it. It will change your life. (And that's no small claim).

Ask yourself, "If I knew no one would judge me, what would I stand for?" What are you inherently okay with once you've left all the self-imposed social filters behind? Most people think they are aware of their hidden thoughts, feelings and prejudices, but the opposite is true. The problem is that they are not aware of it.

Ask yourself, "If I could say just one thing, one sentence, to every single person in the world, what would it be?" Would you say, "It's going to be okay?" "Don't worry so much?" "Look for the best in others?" "Follow me on Twitter?" What you think you want to say to everyone out there is actually a projection of what you most need to hear. It's what you most want to say to yourself.

Decide that something is valuable when you are grateful to have it. You decide what your self-worth is measured by. You decide what your worth is based on. You decide whether or not you are good enough for something, and because that is the case, you decide that the people who are worthy of what they have are the ones who are grateful to have it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Realize that you are not just as accomplished as you are over your biggest hurdle. You are not only as "good" as you are "perfect"; you are also not only as "good" as you are better than someone else. In the words of Oprah (who else?), you can have it all, just not at the same time. Be grateful for that: it means you have the opportunity to appreciate what's in front of you, and that you always have something else to work toward and look forward to.

Assume that all things are for the best. When people are most concerned about what their life looks like, they are most closed off to what their life feels like. They are most closed off to the feelings of their life when they don't want to feel pain. To truly be at peace, you have to realize that everything is for the best. Everything in your life has one of three purposes: It shows you what you are, it heals a part of you, or it lets you enjoy a part of you. When you take this perspective, there is nothing more to fear.

Ask yourself, "If the whole world was blind, how many people would I impress?" Really imagine a life where you couldn't see things. In which it's all about how you feel and how you make others feel. What kind of person are you in such a world, and is it perhaps because you have created a life that looks good to earn other people's love?

Much Love,

Malte

PS: I will send a climate related article later this day :-)